I’m in Nigeria (A day in the life of a broke ass nigga)

“Me? A broke ass nigga? You’re a broke ass bitch! Who are you to call me a broke ass nigga?”
She’s right though. I’m broke
My day started like any broke ass nigga’s. The routine is the same. We skip breakfast because, well, were broke. Except by some miracle, you score some money for a loaf of bread or your “not so broke neighbor” feeds you. The menu’s usually short, the only item being “reheated  beams (everybody’s favorite breakfast)”. The later was  the case this fine. The beans should last till super. Which is usually the same. Cassava flakes and some nuts, preferably of the ground variety, mixed with some sugar if you have the luxury. I don’t cause I’m broke.
Following breakfast or the lack thereof is the usually the “hustle”. Mine is school. Gotta get some education right? How you look when you hustle goes a long way in determining whether or not people can detect that you are a broke ass nigga. I try to mask my “brokitude” by looking fancy. As fancy as a broke nigga can look. Faded skinny jeans, a shirt and a pair of adidos (not adidas). Their colour mask their age quite nicely. You’d have to be Sherlock Holmes to know they are two years old. And to top my get up, a few sprays of cheap cologne “borrowed” from my not so broke neighbor.
So you see I masked my broke status quite well. I would have gotten away with it were it not for the stupid bus driver.
Broke ass niggas always negotiate. The bus ride cost more than I had so I tried to strike a deal with him. You know like a reasonable human being. Big mistake! They cannot be reasoned with. The conversation that followed went something like
O ya were ni (Are you mad)
Abi ko fe da fun iya e ni (Does your mother wish to be unfortunate)
Swa ma lo wa ooo (I don’t even know what this one means)
And some others insults which are just too hurtful to recount.
“Broke ass nigga” said the chic in the back of the bus.
“Me? A broke ass nigga? You’re a broke ass bitch! Who are you to call me a broke ass nigga?”
“Sitting there like you are a queen or something. If you’re so rich, why are you taking a bus. Screw you!. Calling me a broke ass nigga. And screw this bus!. I’m walking”
Now, in retrospect, that might not have been the best decision. But you have to understand the we broke niggas have a fragile ego. Nobody likes to be broke! Much less hearing it. Now when a chic calls you a broke ass nigga, that’s the line right there. It’s gonna be a long walk though. Good thing I had breakfast.
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2 thoughts on “I’m in Nigeria (A day in the life of a broke ass nigga)

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